The Players: An introduction to the cast

In the spirit of watching far too much of the L-word, a collection of short stories and installments starring poorly masked caricatures of ourselves and those closest to us. The names have been half-heartedly changed to protect the (not entirely) innocent, and contributions are welcomed by any of the four leading ladies with access to the blog....

Annie: Socially awkward and neurotic, penchant for emasculating anyone and everyone without regard to social norms or even common courtesy or empathy...

Elisa: SAINT -- no evidence exists that she has ever done anything selfish or even remotely based in any sort of vindictive nature. She lives very high up on a pedestal somewhere in the collective mind orgy of the players.

Chelsea: Judgmental to the point of posing a threat of landing her on a reality television show of the calibur of rock of love 2. Overly politically correct to the point of making everyone in a room feel uncomfortable discussing anything surpassing inane.

Lara: Prone to outbursts/psychotic episodes in which she is likely to brutally stab or at least seriously injure anyone in her immediate vicinity.

The Secondary Characters:

Kirk: aspiring musician: Rule of thumb: Kirk must be completely dismissive of anyone's thoughts/feelings/emotions/physical state of being at all times in the plot.

Michael: Long term boyfriend of Elisa: Rule of thumb: Michael must argue every point made by any individual whether or not it corresponds with any legitimate convictions on his part.

Brian: Whiny, and newly in touch with his emotions. Rule of thumb: Must have some sort of epiphany concerning his emotional well-being at least once per interaction.

Arik: Honest to a fault, he simply does not believe in anything other than full disclosure, no matter the cost to surrounding friends or family. Rule of thumb: Arik must say something brutally honest and completely unnecessary per interaction for the sake of complicating matters.

Stan: Self-involved to the highest possible extent and functions on an invented set of convictions that usually directly conflict with the emotional well-being of anyone but himself. Rule of thumb: Once per interaction, Stan must bring up exactly how O.K. he is with performing homosexual acts "experimentally."

Pryce: EXISTENTIAL. no more need be said

Ken(neth): Only contacts inidividuals in the cast to share news of his most recent successes and considers his presence at any event a gift of grand magnitude to those attending. Rule of thumb: Ken must make at least one of the main players uncomfortable per encounter in the same way that a creepy uncle does at family gatherings...

Pat: Bodyguard to a male star overseas. Jealous and aggressive, he tends towards extreme anger and intense rages for which he must appologize at each interaction. (Sleeps with hookers) Penchant for ultimatums and entirely false statements made for shock value purposes.

Bess: Thinks she is a vampyre (and yes, she will only spell it with a y) Borderline alcohol abuse issues. Rule of thumb: In each interaction Bess must be either a) drinking or b) pointing out and then lecturing on the inherently submissive behavior of women